magpie's cabinet.

dear human beings out there somewhere,

i really have to excuse me.
i just stopped writing from one day to another.
but there happened some important things who influenced me very much so i was that busy with thinking that i wasn't able to tell you about all of it.

you will hear more about those happenings but not now.

now i just tell you some things so you can understand all my beginnings and endings of this blog-story.

i've started this blog while toying with the idea of deleting my facebook account because...well i think i'll also tell you later all the exact reasons that made me doing this.

but when you stop caring about all the likes and comments, pictures and friends, or better say when you TRY to stop caring about this you suddenly feel very useless in the endless universe of internet and need a place where you can get your feedback-drug.

do you understand what i’m speaking of?

well, i found it very interesting how many possibilities excist in a blog to give your writings more of your soul and tell people how you see the world.

so i think starting this blog at all was the wish my narcistic me always had:
speaking to foreign people who might think it is interesting what i say,
trying to make them thinking about me, themselves, other people.
but i know that this is a very difficult, even ridiculous goal because to really touch people it needs more than being a pupil who writes a bit about its experiences and trifling thoughts and dreams.

however, i just want to be honest and this was the main reason why I started this blog.

although i stopped writing again already 1 month later.
i'm still not exactly sure why.
but i think that i completely changed my opinion - as i often do - about blogs.

i was scared about this attention-addicted, pseudo-self-realizationing part of me and got on my own nerves. 

there were things that seemed much more important to me than writing. there were those few happenings i mentioned that muddled up my whole thoughts and i had to bring them in an order again.

but somehow i started to miss the writing very soon.

i couldn't let my fingers from it and started again.
because i'm a person who likes making senseless lists there is one for you now with the reasons.

reason n°1:

i'm sure the new year will become one of the most exciting years of my life because of plenty adventures i've planned. (yes, you can actually try planning adventures.) 

because i'm miserable in writing diaries - i don't know why but writing only for myself really bores me - i need a place to write about all my adventures.

maybe it doesn't interest anybody at all but i don't care: at least my imagination of other people who read this makes me writing on. 

so to sum up this point on my nice list: i try to trick myself to write down my feelings and remember them in the future.
reason n°2:

i still hope to find some people out there who think as me and repine with the same difficult questions as i do. 

i don't want to be unfair: there are already 3 persons in my life who are nearly like this but i think it's not wrong to search on.

maybe you are that one amazing person?
reason n°3:

(it's the most banal one and all my german teachers would cry when they saw me not telling you the most striking argument at the end of the text!) 

i'm really interested in journalism and read a lot of magazines.

i don't mean this 'fire-fighters-saved-a-cat' or 'how-to-improve-your-sex' stuff but really amazing articles in magazines like 'neon' or 'die zeit' that make you see things with completely different eyes.

it's a shame that i don't have enough time to work for our school journal anymore but next year i'll go there again.

so in writing very often i see the chance to improve my writing style (and my imperfect english) because i’m susceptible to lose myself in my sentences and don’t know what i wanted to say anymore.

(according to this problem i'm going to show you a nice picture from a book my mother got when she was a child..be curious!)

so my dears: that’s why i give this blog another try.
now i really do this for me and for no one else.  

(at least i tell this to myself)

how it wll go on i can't tell you exactly because i don't know it already, too.

but: it will go on.

maybe i’ll tell you what i'm doing with my girl from argentina who spents 3 months here or something like this.

and of course there will be inspirational pictures i copy meanly or take with my camera.

there will be songs and artist.

there will be nice links and diy instructions.

there will be even political and cultured posts.

there will be my dreams and doubts.

there will be all this stuff that belongs to a blog and maybe more.

so i hope to see you all back soon,

yours lilian